


A Book of Harry Potter Rants

by SincereIrony



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Being an Asshole, F/F, F/M, Gellert Grindelwald Being an Asshole, Harry Potter Theories, M/M, Master of Death Harry Potter, Randomness, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:34:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SincereIrony/pseuds/SincereIrony
Summary: This is just a place where I publish my infinite rants and theories on the subject of Harry Potter. I am ALWAYS taking requests in the comments.
Relationships: Abernathy/Vinda Rosier, Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Tina Goldstein/Newt Scamander
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	1. INTRODUCTION

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EveningRose309](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveningRose309/gifts).



Hello, my fellow Potterheads.

This is not a oneshot book, nor is it a fanfiction. Matter of fact, readers, this is my very first rant book.

This work will contain many sorts of rants, theories, character analyses, and much, much more for all to see. Some will be chaotic, some will be calmer, but either way, all will be related to the Harry Potter fandom.

Are you allowed to request rant or theory prompts? Yes.

Are you allowed to give me feedback? Yes.

Do I think I will regret publishing this book? _ABSOLUTELY NOT._

So please, everyone, write up as many requests as you want, offer feedback if you’d like, and have fun reading.


	2. Pairings: My Best and My Worst

Okay, the first chapter is simple. My analyses and breakdowns of the top two ships that I adore, and the top two that I just flat-out hate. It’s nothing too complicated for the first part of a rant book, so I’m just going to go ahead and give these ship analyses a shot. Okay, here goes nothing.

_SHIPS I LOVE_

#2) **WOLFSTAR, aka Sirius Black and Remus Lupin**

I’ve loved this ship from the start and stuck with it until the very, very end. It just seems wholesome and kind of a ‘BFFs attract’, you know. I like the idea of a rebel, badass Pureblood getting together with a far less extreme, but equally rebel halfblood that so happens to be one of his best friends. It’s a slightly chaotic, yet absolutely strong, great ship that I really love. Sirius and Remus really are cute together, and a ship with them is just…awe, it’s fantastic!

And there is so much _versatility_ that comes with it!

You can make WHO KNOWS HOW MANY different headcanons, fics, dribbles, everything in between with these two. Some pairings just have this generic type of love that people write them in but this one…THIS ONE can go in so many ways, and that is a quality I enjoy and probably always will enjoy.

#1) **ROMIONE, aka Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger**

Honestly, this is hands-down one of the best—and best canon—ships in this entire fandom. I’ve rooted for Romione since the fifth book, and honestly, these two are perfect for each other.

Hermione with her brains, Ron with his brawn, them with their AMAZING dynamics and overall cuteness…yes, this takes the crown.

Their romantic development was both angsty—with the fights in the later books, the overall gloom cast by Voldemort, the absolutely awful moment where Bellatrix Lestrange tortured Hermione and Ron was quite literally _SCREAMING, FURIOUS, and completely unable to save her_ ‘till he broke out of the basement—and heartwarming, with all the adorable moments and togetherness and whatnot. These two were meant to be, and I was incredibly happy to see them protect and love and root for each other both in the movies and books.

I don’t know about you, but to me, Romione is easily the best ship for me in this fandom.

For now, no other ship has beat this wonderful, fantastic pairing.

And now, for my two of my least favorite ships in the fandom. _Brace yourselves,_ time for me to rant.

_SHIPS I DON’T LOVE_

#2) **GRINDELDORE, aka Gellert Grindelwald and Albus Dumbledore**

I bet most of you didn’t see this one coming, but you know what, here it is. I know a bunch of you would easily say yes to this ship, but me? NOT TODAY. Never, no, nope, NO. 

_Why?_

Out of all the ships, besides a choice few and the #1 on my list, this one gets me the most.

Firstly, this ship really made me dislike Albus as a person even more than I already do. Because he was apparently so _infatuated and totally smitten_ with Gellert that he literally agreed with Muggle subservience and a possible destruction of all Muggles. He up and left his dysfunctional, unstable sister and socially neglected, conflicted little brother alone because of his adoration for Gellert. He essentially left Ariana to Aberforth and dropped what basically is the entire family burden onto his little brother, all so he could just follow a disturbingly ambitious, more-than-likely asshole he liked and do his own thing. Because of this affection, Albus completely neglected his younger siblings who needed someone to look after them. If he had been there for his siblings, it is very possible that Ariana would still be alive, and there would be no permanent rift between her brothers.

Neglect is never, ever something that you do to family that needs and loves you. _Ever._ That’s right, Albus, you shitty excuse of an older brother.

And also, Albus’ love wasn’t reciprocated, and as a matter of fact, Grindelwald was probably only in love with his _power_ and most likely was using him _for the entirety of the summer of 1899,_ which I could happily get into in a later chapter if you want me to.

And a bonus.

Albus Dumbledore is isolated, manipulative, scheming, and neglectful as a whole.

Gellert Grindelwald is broken, just as or maybe even _more_ manipulative, problematic, and way, way too passionate.

Gellert needs to settle down, get therapy, figure himself out, and as much time as needed to get his shit together.

Albus needs a better man, therapy, a very good way to stop neglecting, hurting, and scheming, and a fucking _spine_.

Grindeldore is _not_ the perfect, tragic romance many see it as to me. Grindeldore is simply a pairing between a neglectful, dangerously ambitious, weak-minded shit of a brother and a manipulative, dark, and just as ambitious broken person.

It isn’t healthy for them.

It is just flat-out destructive.

So in the end, it is a firm and solid **NO**.

#1) **BELLAMIONE, aka Bellatrix Lestrange and Hermione Granger**

_ABSOLUTELY._

_FUCKING._

_NOT._

To start off, the age difference, the enormous, glaringly obvious _age difference_. Bellamione shippers, do you realize that Bellatrix is a whopping 28 YEARS OLDER THAN HERMIONE? Which brings me to the first reason why I dislike this: _pedophilia_ , especially when a good few of the people who ship this ship them when they’re at the age they were during the 6th-7th books and movies.

Then, Hermione is _16-18._

Then, Bellatrix is _45-47._

Take a moment to realize just how problematic that is.

Okay, next point.

BELLATRIX LESTRANGE, NÉE BLACK IS EASILY ONE OF THE MOST _TOXIC, SADISTIC, AND CRUEL BITCHES IN THE SERIES_. You simply can’t argue with that, Bellatrix is an insane, horrible person who treats anyone besides Voldemort, Draco, and Narcissa like shit, and takes pleasure in hurting and demeaning people on a regular basis. She is hostile and a complete and utter maniac.

And Hermione? Hermione is a brave, brilliant, sweet, and resourceful person, who will easily and irreparably be hurt when that horrific toxicity that Bellatrix exudes starts affecting her, her family, or friends.

Bellatrix has the kind of personality— _and the sheer will_ —to destroy and hurt a wonderful person like Hermione, and I think the majority of us Potterheads know a good example of this. This example is what she does to her in the seventh book at Malfoy Manor.

Also known as brutally torturing her, carving a _slur_ into her left arm with a sharp-ass knife (the same one she used to kill Dobby, if I’m not mistaken), using her as a hostage to stop Harry and Ron, and traumatizing her for years to come.

To sum up, this pairing is toxic, harmful, dark, gross, and has a dangerous level of pedophilia if you ship ‘em when Hermione was at Hogwarts. 

And out of all the pairings I know, this is easily the worst.

**Alright, that’s it for today! Let me know what to put in the next chapter in the comments if you want, and if you have feedback, offer as much as you see fit.**

**Signing off,**

**-Irony**

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! So, if you’ve read this, I would like some ideas on what my first rant/theory/analysis will be, so go ahead and put some ideas in the comments!  
> Also, this work is dedicated to EveningRose309, my first ever commenter on AO3 and an absolutely wonderful author.


End file.
